Taco Time is the spawn of the Devil

Hey everybody.

Recently Shelley and I decided to go out to eat. On a whim we decided to stop at Taco Time. I'd seen ads for it on television and noticed that they had several restaurants around town. It seemed that they must be something like Taco Bell. We went in and ordered. I got the nachos grande and a crispy taco. Shelley got something else, I don't remember exactly what. A taco salad I think. Anyway, despite what I ordered what I got was pure evil. Let's start with the nachos. Now normally when you go into a fast food restaurant you know that what you order is not going to look the same as the picture on the menu. However, my nachos looked like someone had taken a plate, set it on a counter and then thrown each ingredient at it from across the room. That's not that bad though, I'm usually not one to complain about aesthetics. How a dish looks doesn't necessarily tell you how it's going to taste. This time, however, it turned out to be true. My chips were apparently dipped in water before being tossed at the serving plate to ensure that authentic gummy texture. The beans were microwaved to perfection, ensuring no annoying moisture was left in them, leaving a dry and crusty lump. The cheese was clumped artistically about. In some places sprinkled and others mashed into a ball. Most of it was melted but I sometimes came across large hard blobs. The salsa also tasted slightly off. Basically the whole thing tasted like it had been made days ago and when some idiot actually ordered it they took it out of cold storage and popped it in the microwave.

I didn't get very far with the nachos so I decided to try my hardshell taco. It certainly looked delicious. However, what I wasn't aware of was Taco Time's patented taco meat preparing techniques. Each batch of ground beef is lovingly seasoned, cooked to perfection, then spread on cookie sheets and set outside for at least two days to dry in the sun. After the allotted time has passed a licensed quality control technician is blindfolded and given a bowl of the taco meat and a bowl of finely shredded cardboard. If he can't tell the difference he gives his 'thumbs up' and the meat is vigorously scraped into large microwavable bowls. Meanwhile, the technician no doubt has to be taken to a sitting room and rehydrated because as soon as you eat some of the taco meat it immediately sucks up all moisture around it on the way to your stomach. To make sure that the meat never loses its signature Taco Time treatment it is microwaved every half hour. This prevents any moisture in the air from inadvertently reinvigorating it.

Totally oblivious to all the work that had gone into my taco I took a bite, and immediately spit it out. I just couldn't eat it. I have never been to a restaurant where I couldn't get through a meal because the food was so bad. Congratulations Taco Time! You were the first!

After looking around in amazement that there were other customers ordering and actually eating their food we got up and left. I assumed that they all must be visiting Taco Time for the first time. There is just no other way to explain it. I just can't believe that they get any repeat business. I entertained the idea that they were actors paid to make it look like Taco Time did lots of business, therefore luring in other unassuming victims.

Days later I still shudder when I think about having mexican food.